So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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