yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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