Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
