I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
