she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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