How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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