when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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