My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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