When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
