Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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