This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
