Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
