I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
