You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
