this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
