so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
