How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
