I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize