we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
