I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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