I cut my penus on the lid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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