Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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