i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
