Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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