the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
