so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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