I puked a lego.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
