The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
