I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
