The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
