I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
