Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
