I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
