I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Enjoy the penises
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
