she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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