You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
