Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
