I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
