Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
