I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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