Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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