Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
