My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i now understand why vodka
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
