Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
