At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
