You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Jerry, you need to find god
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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