R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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