that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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