my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
