I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize