Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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