Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
