I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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