Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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