Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
