I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
