You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
