Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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