I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize