He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
